Existing is a Problem

Existing is a problem, I say again to echo the title of this story. As if to cause an impact on you, the reader. But in fact, it’s just me, alone, stating this in front of the mirror, while questions abound on this rainy evening.

The perception that persists is one that tells me we are all mirrors trying to see and be seen. We see each other from time to time, that’s a fact, but we only see the surface of what we are. Beneath each and every one of us, there is a deep ocean of thoughts and feelings swimming in whatever is this ether that makes consciousness possible.

Some thoughts and feelings are so deep and dark that we can never reach or understand their origin or meaning. Like a good ocean, our minds are mostly abyssal plain. Dark and inaccessible.

There is an ocean underneath my face in the mirror. I see so many things wrong with my life. The way I so often feel lost. My body is also a problem. So is my job.

Problems that only I can see or feel. Problems that don’t exist to those I cross on the street. Many are not perceptible even to people close to me.

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Existing is a problem.

Not a real problem. Just yet another problem that never goes away.

The kind of problem that always gets solved by being too tired to think about it. Let’s take a moment to appreciate having a brain that gets tired so easily.

Imagine if we could remain in a state of deep thinking for hours. What would our brains do to us? Where would these wild inner thoughts take us? Our brains weren’t designed for endurance, and that’s a good thing. It means we can forget everything and stop thinking for a while. We can go and watch something, a movie or a TV show. Or listen to music that doesn’t give space to any deep thinking. Even washing the dishes is a godsend when all we want is peace of mind.

So, existing is a problem with no solution. The only solution to existing, it seems, is to keep existing (duh!). But it can’t be. We can’t accept that the only solution we can find to this problem is through this tautology.

The only way to solve the problem of existing is by existing.

It can’t be right. The solution can’t be that simple.

On the other hand, if we embrace the remote — very remote — possibility that existing is not a problem, then by logic we should never treat it as a problem. And that solves itself.

Right?

Right.

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Still, there is evidence to consider.

Under certain conditions, to exist is a problem we can feel, right there, in front of us. We can almost touch it.

Like when you can’t sleep at night and your own mind becomes your worst enemy. Or when you lose someone important and there is absolutely no way the world can continue without that one person. Or when there is a big event happening in your life, which destroys you with waves of anxiety and pulses of hopelessness.

Perhaps existence is only a problem because we are humans. And we love to create problems where there is only causality. Heck, even our brains are a circumstance of evolution. If we want to have a magnificent brain that can create extraordinary things like art and science, we have to deal with moments where it goes too wild.

I mean, to have a human brain is awesome. It’s just that, sometimes, it’s too much.

I like to think we are like bats. Bats evolved echolocation, which makes them perfect for flying and hunting in the dark. But in the process, their vision was drastically affected. Their eyes lost sharpness and they can’t see colors as most mammals do.

We had to lose something with our big brains.

That’s how evolution works. It’s give and take. If we go too far in one direction, we are going to lose something on the way.

Our brains create so much, only to worry too much.

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Yesterday I watched yet another documentary about the universe.

Among other things, the documentary talked about asteroids and comets hitting the Earth. More than once they said that one could be hurling towards us. And it would be too late to do anything about it.

Now I have been thinking about this constantly.

Do you see how it works? This wasn’t a problem. Imminent asteroid impacts weren’t a problem yesterday. Now I won’t deny that part of me is feeling fear.

And it’s not only asteroids that can destroy us. The sun can destroy us, gamma-ray bursts can destroy us. A passing black hole may destroy us. Even the Earth itself may destroy us, with volcanism or glaciation.

But of course, when logic settles, I find peace in the probabilities. A meteor is not coming. This is the stuff of science fiction. Chances are near zero.

It’s not coming, obviously.

Right?

Well, go tell that to the dinosaurs of the late Cretaceous.

That perhaps gives us the answer we have been looking for.

In the end, existing is a problem because we can so easily stop existing.

— J. Nastari

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Note: English is not my first language. So I apologize for the mistakes you find here. Please let me know in the comments and I will be glad to correct them 🙂